“Don’t Be So Sensitive”: 10 Signs You May Be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and 5 Tips to Help You Thrive
“It doesn't take a talent to be mean. Your words can crush things that are unseen. So, please be careful with me. I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way.”
-from “I’m Sensitive” by Jewel
Photography by Allison Fleming
What is an HSP?
Do you think and feel everything deeply? Are you easily overstimulated by things like bright lights, strong scents, or unpredictable noises? Are you sensitive to physical pain? Do you turn to people-pleasing or perfectionism to try and avoid criticism? Do you have a deep appreciation for music, art, nature, and other forms of beauty? Have people described you as “too sensitive” throughout your life?
If you’re nodding your head “yes,” you may be one of the 20% of people who fall into the category of being a highly sensitive person (HSP).
It’s important to know that HSP is not an official mental health diagnosis, and it does not require treatment. (Read that again: being an HSP is totally normal!) In fact, being an HSP may offer an evolutionary advantage! HSPs have a keen ability to sense others’ feelings and needs. HSPs often have high emotional intelligence, empathy, innovation, intuition, creativity, communication skills, and the ability to inspire others into action. HSPs don’t need to be “fixed,” and that is not the purpose of this article. However, there can be challenges that come along with being highly sensitive, including, but not limited to: a hyper-responsive nervous system that is easily stressed, the tendency to spiral into overthinking, hyper-responsiveness to criticism/feedback (which can sometimes lead to inhibited creativity and self-expression), anxiety and adjustment disorders, and being overwhelmed by emotions in ourselves or others. Perhaps a better description than highly sensitive might be highly responsive.
What’s the history of the term “HSP?”
Research psychologist Elaine Aron first coined the term HSP in the mid-1990s to describe people who exhibit depth of processing, easy overstimulation, emotional reactivity, high empathy, and a heightened ability to sense environmental subtleties. She theorized that it’s an inherent trait designed to help people with more sensitive/responsive nervous systems cope better with the world by first observing and then acting.
Over the years, HSP has become a helpful description for a personality trait that involves a highly developed nervous system that reacts more intensely to outside stimuli than the average person. Interestingly, research has found that HSPs have increased blood flow in the parts of the brain that process emotion, empathy, and awareness. Other studies have found that HSPs have more active mirror neurons, which help them understand and respond to others’ emotions. In fact, a highly sensitive person’s brain actually works harder at rest than the brains of those who are not highly sensitive!
So, is it good or bad to be an HSP?
Just like any personality trait, being a highly sensitive person has its pros and its cons. There are ways to thrive as an HSP, and it starts with discovering what you need to support your unique gifts and challenges.
For example, HSPs tend to be more thoughtful and deliberate about making decisions, but this can also make some prone to anxiety. Others have a hard time shaking off criticism and are prone to people-pleasing and perfectionism. Personally, I also struggled with increased sensitivity to physical pain, which created BIG problems for me when I was diagnosed with a chronic pain disorder. (Yikes!) After working with my own therapist who understood the HSP trait, I realized I needed to prioritize regular alone time to recharge (yes, even though I am an extrovert!) I also need time and space for inner reflection, deep processing, and spiritual practices. I have a low tolerance for noise (especially if I can’t determine what it is or where it’s coming from), strong smells (car air fresheners and fake scents are the WORST), and environmental chaos, so I’ve learned to create an environment that supports my needs.
The intent of this article is to help normalize your experience of being an HSP and help you find the support you deserve to thrive. I self-identify as an HSP, and I’ve found there are ways to live my life with more ease now that I better understand what it means to be a highly sensitive person. As the owner of a creative wellness practice that specializes in music therapy and supports many highly sensitive adults, I am particularly interested in HSPs who are highly creative. Is that you, or perhaps someone you love? Keep reading because I’m going to share with you 5 tips for thriving as an HSP. But first…
Are you an HSP?
10 common traits of an HSP
You feel emotions deeply.
(Psst…if that’s you, I invite you to follow @feelcreativewellness on Instagram right now, because the Feel community is a safe space created for deep-feeling folx just like you. You may also notice that my business is named Feel Creative Wellness. If you’re still reading this, you are in the right place, and I hope you’ll stick around.)
You are highly creative.
You’re likely very moved by things like music, art, & nature. It probably will not surprise you to learn that many musicians, artists, writers, dancers, and other creatives are HSPs (Yes, even if they put on a high energy show!) Here are a few who have endorsed this trait publicly:
Alanis Morrisette
Lorde (Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O'Connor)
Billie Eilish
Joss Stone
Nicole Kidman
Fiona Apple
Winona Rider
Heath Ledger
Sting (Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner)
You’ve probably been called “too sensitive.”
You aren’t. In fact, you’re incredibly perceptive! That’s a gift!
You need extra time to adapt to change.
You’re easily triggered by environmental stimuli like loud or unpredictable noises, strong smells, chaotic environments, large crowds, etc.
You feel strong compassion for others.
This one can be tricky. On the one hand, people may be drawn to you and open up easily because you’re a good listener. That can be great, but it can also be overwhelming if you don’t have boundaries in place. “Trauma dumping” is when someone unloads their trauma onto you without your consent or during inappropriate times. HSPs are more likely to be on the receiving end of trauma dumping. The good news? You can learn to set healthy boundaries to protect your peace! (I work on this exact area with clients all the time!)
You are easily stressed or anxious, sometimes to incapacitating levels where you “freeze” or “shut down.”
That’s me. I used to go into “shut down” mode constantly when I felt overwhelmed or overstimulated. You can learn to find healthier ways to respond to stress, too!
You need isolation to recharge.
This is true whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert! It’s a common misconception that HSPs are introverts, but that isn’t always true. I’m an extrovert, but I still need a lot of alone time to recharge.
You are easily affected by other people’s emotions, and sometimes you absorb them.
One of the primary goals for an HSP is finding a good balance between empathy and sponging up others’ feelings.
You think deeply.
HSPs tend to be deep thinkers and truth seekers. We have rich, complex inner lives. We are the people asking the big “why?” questions of the world.
Ok, so you think you’re an HSP. Now what?
If you’re an HSP and find yourself regularly overstimulated or overwhelmed, there are steps you can take to go from surviving to thriving.
Developing self-regulation tools has been pivotal in supporting my unique experiences as an HSP, and it is the focus of my clinical work with high sensitive adult clients. Both emotional and nervous system regulation have helped me better manage anxiety, stress, strong emotions, my response to change (at one point I was so averse to change that I was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder!), and my ability to tolerate environmental stimulation. Through these practices, I’ve found ways to cope with emotions and better regulate my nervous system, and I believe it’s possible for you too.
5 Tips for Thriving as an HSP (From someone who’s doing it!)
Tip #1: Increase self-awareness.
Before you do anything else, focus on self-awareness. The best way to thrive as an HSP is to become aware of your strengths and challenges. What are your gifts? What triggers you?
I found it helpful to keep a journal and take note of anything that caused me to feel overstimulated or overwhelmed throughout the day. Notice the patterns and plan accordingly.
To the best of your ability, avoid overstimulation and situations that make you feel overwhelmed. However, the reality of life is that we can’t always control our environment or avoid our triggers. When that happens, self-awareness is key to helping you navigate situations that aren’t ideal for an HSP.
For example, do big holiday gatherings leave you feeling overstimulated? If so, you may want to ask yourself questions like this: Is it the number of people at the gatherings? Specific people? The bright lights? The sounds? The scents? It may be that you can’t control the environment in these situations, so focus on what you can control. For example, if the sound of clanking plates triggers you, can you offer to do the dishes? (Bonus: people are unlikely to want to take this task away from you, so you’ve just scored yourself some solitary time to do some deep thinking! Throw on headphones and listen to calming music for some extra recharging!)
If you feel your energy reserves draining quickly, can you set a timer and schedule in windows of time where you can decompress and recharge? Can you offer to walk the family dog to get outside by yourself for a few minutes and practice grounding? Can you find the other HSPs in your family/friends and ask if they’d like to set aside time to do a co-regulating activity (e.g. find a calm space and listen to a guided meditation with music together.)
Pro tip from a board-certified music therapist: if you’re one of the many HSPs who find external, unpredictable sounds to be triggering (e.g. sirens), try keeping soft, predictable, calming background music on. Our brains like predictability, so music that you’re familiar with will help to calm your nervous system and prevent the startle response.
Tip #2: Develop practices that support your nervous system.
Think about it like this: if you are an HSP, your nervous system is highly responsive. There are times when this will be helpful to you (e.g. to help you connect meaningfully with others or to keep you safe in a dangerous environment), but there are times when it won’t be helpful (e.g. if you become hypersensitive to pain or to that annoying sound that you simply can’t get your neighbor or office partner to stop making.) The best way to support yourself as an HSP is to nourish your nervous system. Here are a few of my favorite supportive practices:
1.Journaling
Writing is an excellent tool to reflect upon and express your thoughts and feelings. Try setting aside 5 minutes a day to practice “free writing,” where you write down anything and everything that comes into your head. It can help create space in your deep-thinking mind to get a few of the thoughts out onto paper.
2. Spending time in nature.
Being in nature can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, calm your nervous system, enhance immune system functioning, reduce anxiety, increase self-esteem, and improve your mood. Research confirms that even just seeing green can help put humans at ease, so get outside and take a deep breath!
3. Meditation and mindfulness.
I’d argue that Mindful Meditation is perhaps an HSP’s best friend. It can help you quiet your mind, calm your nervous system, restore inner peace, increase patience and tolerance, focus on the present moment, increase creativity, decrease pain, and gain new perspectives on stressful situations. Interested in meditation but no clue where to start? Check out my article on meditation as a creative wellness practice.
4. Grounding
Grounding is the art of re-centering yourself. Grounding techniques can help bring you back to the present moment and reduce anxiety. My favorite grounding technique is simple: mindful breathing. Simply become aware of your breath. As you breathe in, think “This is my in-breath.” As you breathe out, think “This is my out-breath.” The simple act of coming back to your breath a few times a day can support your nervous system in BIG ways.
5. Gratitude.
The most effective way to cultivate joy is to practice gratitude. Try this: before you go to sleep at night, write down 1 or 2 things you felt grateful for that day. It’s a great first step toward developing an optimistic and hopeful mindset. (And no, I’m not talking about toxic positivity. I’m talking about grounded optimism!)
6. Prioritize self-care and relaxation.
HSPs are usually really good at self-care, because we’re in touch with our feelings and needs. Give yourself lots of time to decompress and feel what you need to feel. If that means scheduling in time to get lost in your thoughts and feelings, do it!
Note: HSPs are more likely to use drugs or alcohol to self-medicate and “escape” from tough situations and overwhelming feelings. A primary goal for HSPs is learning healthy ways to cope with emotions and regulate their nervous systems, and regular self-care can help you do that!
Tip #3: Protect your peace.
Healthy boundaries are key to living well as an HSP. Remember that “No” is a complete sentence. Limit time with people you find draining or who overstimulate you. Terrible at setting boundaries? I hope you’ll highly consider Tip #5. (I did, and it really helped!)
Tip #4: Change your relationship with the word “sensitive.”
If you live in the United States, you probably know that the word “sensitive” is often associated with weakness. However, in many other cultures, being sensitive is seen as a gift! HSPs are creatives, dreamers, philosophers, musicians, artists, intuitives, entrepreneurs, leaders, and healers. We possess the ability to think deeply and reflect critically on the important questions in life. So the next time someone tells you that you are “too sensitive,” look at them with sincerity and say, “Thank you for noticing! That is a gift I celebrate in my life!”
John Lennon put it best: “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will be as one.”
Tip #5: Consider working with a professional who understands the HSP trait.
If being an HSP is negatively impacting your life, it could be helpful to find a therapist who understands the HSP trait. You don’t need therapy because you’re an HSP, but you do need a therapist who understands this unique trait if you do pursue therapy. And if you do…
Consider creative arts therapy!
Music therapy is well-known to be an excellent form of therapy for HSPs, and Feel Creative Wellness is built to support people just like you. To learn more about music therapy, my private practice, and how we can work together in-person in the San Francisco Bay Area or virtually nationwide, click here. I offer a free 20-minute consultation to answer any questions you may have about how music therapy can help support you.
Remember, you are already whole exactly as you are. You don’t need “fixing.” You deserve to feel safe, feel heard, and feel supported to express yourself authentically and creatively.
If you are suffering or know someone who is, you/they do not need to suffer in silence. You do not have to navigate the hard waters alone. You deserve to feel free in your own life. Healing starts the moment you take that first step toward it, so don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Especially right now, when the world feels particularly heavy, please remember that it’s important to check in on your mental health and to ask the people around you how they’re doing. That’s how we can show up for one another.
